just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
