I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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