It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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