do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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