Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
