It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I've blown a few things in my day
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
