i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
