My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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