I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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