I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
