The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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