I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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