I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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