when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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