Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
