i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Randomize
