I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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