All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
