just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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