we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
