I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she smelled like a LAN party
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
