is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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