I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
