ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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