just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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