all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
