I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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