Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
