Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
