I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
