I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
