So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
