Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
