I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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