I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
