Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
