sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
you never un-have a 4some
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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