no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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