the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
