I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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