i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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