u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
