her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
