I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
