My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
