hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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