my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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