Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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