I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
