Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
