watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
