No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
