My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
