dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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