alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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