i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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