If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
