We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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