Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
