He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
