sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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