You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
