Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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