peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
