Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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