I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
