We're facebook friends in real life
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
where am i from again
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
