I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
