Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
