need another drink. this is the easiest way
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize