Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
